Unfortunately, difficult people are everywhere and work is one of the places you are likely to encounter them. Tension, rage, violence and negative behavior exist in all aspects of our daily life and abnormal behavior has become the norm in today’s society. The workplace is no exception. Learning to manage and/or work with difficult people has a direct connection to your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional courage.

7 Habits of Difficult People

The habits and annoyances of difficult people differ from person to person. Some people:

• talk constantly
• must always have the last word
• won’t listen
• fail to keep commitments
• criticize anything that they did not create
• compete with others for power, privilege and the spotlight
• blatantly try to undermine a co-worker

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Difficult people and situations exist in every workplace, but as a a manager, you are expected to know how to handle this. You need to have communication and listening skills, as well as interpersonal skills, professionalism and awareness.

When a person is emotional and reactive, you must know how to calm them down in order to regain reason. Aggressive managers react to situations and events, but it is better to be an assertive manager who responds to events and situations. Tactical empathy is a skill managers must learn. Take a moment and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

6 Ways to Halt Conflict

If you find you are dealing with difficult people, while you must confront and address the situation to stop the conflicts from simmering below the surface and possibly becoming violent, there are specific ways in which to do this including:

• Examine the situation and your role in it to determine that the problem really is coming from a difficult person’s actions. Make sure you are not overreacting due to ego, frustration, or even a general dislike of that person that has nothing to do with their actions.
• Ask the antagonist what the problem is, but don’t make statements. This shows them that you are interested in communicating rather than in arguing. By asking questions, you might be able to help the person recognize their issues with less risk of a confrontation. During the discussion, attempt to reach agreement about positive and supportive actions going forward
• Separate the issue from the person if possible. Make sure you are communicating that your concern is with the idea instead of the person. This generally applies to confrontations during business meetings, etc.
• Ensure understanding and communication when you are dealing with a difficult person. Many times, an argument will develop because communication just breaks down. When someone is talking, be sure to listen carefully and make sure you understand that person’s point before you respond. Likewise, make sure the other person understands your point.
• If you sense that a communication breakdown has occurred, address it immediately. Use phrases like “That’s not what I said”, “That was not my question” “Please let me finish” or “We’re [actually] saying the same thing.”
• Don’t make threats or challenge a person either verbally or physically. Use “I” rather than “you” when making a statement to avoid sounding like you are making an accusation.

Remember, how you handle the situation will determine how positive the outcome will be and may mean the difference between a peaceful or a violent resolution.

Next month we’ll discuss the 7 things you should never say to anyone and why.